Justin Verlander Facts

     I'm bored out of my mind. So here are some Justin Verlander Facts. You might've known these things about JV:

• Chuck Norris is Justin Verlander's grandfather.
• Achilles didn't die by getting shot in the heel by Paris. It was a 100 MPH Verlander fastball that killed him.
• Brad Penny dated Karina Smirnoff, but Justin Verlander plowed through Kate Upton.
• Justin Verlander once got bit by a rattle snake...... After three days of pain and agony...... The rattle snake died.
• When Justin Verlander does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself. He's pushing the earth down.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Justin Verlander and his heater.
• The reason why Chicago's called "The Windy City" is because Justin Verlander sneezed there.
• Justin Verlander is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 
• Justin Verlander delivered Tim Tebow.
• Justin Verlander once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That gas tank's now known as Optimus Prime.
• Justin Verlander is the reason why Lebron traveled.
• While Chuck Norris can rotate the earth fast with a roundhouse kick to a person, Justin Verlander's fastball can create galaxies and universes.
• The only things that will survive a nuclear war are cockroaches, Dick Cheney and Justin Verlander. Cheney would later be killed by a 101 MPH Verlander heater.
• Justin Verlander once lit a fart on a dare. The result was the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
• Jesus drinks Miller Lite. Justin Verlander drinks a dozen Red Bulls.
• Justin Verlander can win a game of chess using only one pawn and a breaking ball.
• Earthquakes occur when even the ground trembles every time Justin Verlander's around.
• Justin Verlander murdered the kid who invented the 69 joke with a 100-MPH fastball in the top of the 9th. Why? Because only Verlander knew the kid's deep dark secret...
• Seal Team 6 didn't kill Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden was killed and no-hit by Verlander's heater to win the game for the Tigers..... And America.
• Justin Verlander's tears can take rust off of ships.
• Justin Verlander doesn't care for the "MarineLayer".